Ilko Lemko: I Have A Dream: a suitcase, a gate, swamps, and the calling of the Varangians.

I Have A Dream. Every Ukrainian currently shares a singular common dream, vividly depicted in the well-known images of the burning Spasskaya Tower of the Kremlin and the Cathedral of Saint Basil, while frogs croak in the mud of Red Square. However, the path to realizing this passionately desired dream may differ for each individual. My vision of this journey began to take shape in my dreams after one particular night. I dreamed that one day, our young and brilliant Ukrainian IT specialists made two remarkable scientific discoveries.

The first discovery involved the invention of such a REB device that could render not only Shaheds but any missiles, including cruise, ballistic, and various artillery shells, "locationally lost." Thus, no enemy weapon could cross a defined line in space and cause any harm to any object or person within Ukraine. This was a powerful electronic wall that the enemy could not breach by any means.

The second discovery by our brilliant young scientists was the invention of a true "Wunderwaffe" – a super-powerful laser weapon that operates not only within the line of sight but can reach any corner of the Earth at the speed of light and deliver an incredible force of impact.

All of this meant that Katsapia had completely lost the war with Ukraine. Following the Ukrainian government's announcement of the existence of such weapons, a hundred thousand Russian occupiers were demonstratively destroyed within seconds at the front line, after which the remaining half a million invaders, realizing the situation, panicked and fled towards their native swamps.

And what was happening in Moscow at that time? Realizing what had truly occurred, some "oligarchs suffering from Western sanctions," "Kremlin towers," or "good Russians" in the form of various Yashin-Karamurza-Navalny individuals staged an instant coup in the Kremlin, shooting Putin-Patrushev-Gerasimov-Shoygu, the entire remaining criminal clique, and addressed the world with a statement about the "overthrow of the dictatorship of one or several madmen," swearing that Russia would "forever embark on the path of democracy."

However, Ukraine was no longer the slightest bit interested, as it had three crucial tasks to accomplish at that moment: 1) demilitarization and denazification of Russian fascism, 2) punishment of war criminals, 3) obtaining material and moral compensation from the criminal aggressor for all its crimes.

Regarding demilitarization, the new Russian government will be required to completely disarm and disband the Russian army, internal troops, border guards, the National Guard, and all other security forces except for the police. Only one police force will remain, with minimal means for maintaining order in an extremely unstable country. Specific deadlines will be set for the complete destruction of all existing conventional and nuclear weapons in Russia. In this regard, Ukraine can share its experience in dismantling strategic bombers and cruise missiles, which it acquired in the 1990s. To facilitate the demilitarization task, Ukraine will conduct demonstrative destruction of its super-powerful laser weapon within seconds, for example, targeting the largest manufacturer of Russian military equipment – Uralvagonzavod.

As for denazification, Ukraine has no intentions of doing this within Katsapia itself, as it is a futile task, and even a grave cannot fix a hunchback. This will be handled by "friends of Russia" from around the world: they will feed the poor inhabitants of the swamps with "Bush legs" or "Trump legs," re-educate them with propaganda films, involve them in training programs for "reverse de-racialization," and engage in other empty amusements; however, for the sake of formality, all of this will need to be done.

Real denazification will take place on Ukrainian territory and will look something like this. An almost million-strong Ukrainian army, which will have nothing to do on the front lines, will be deployed in all cities and other important populated areas – mostly in the South and East, and to a lesser extent in the Center and West, while Ukrainian activists in their respective towns or city districts will identify anti-Ukrainian-minded collaborators who have always and everywhere disdained the Ukrainian state, the Ukrainian language, Ukrainian values, and have "waited for Putin," and so on. Our brilliant IT specialists, thanks to cutting-edge technology, will detect all social media posts, phone conversations, and other communications of millions of Ukrainian citizens within a fraction of a second, even if that information was previously destroyed.

There is one remarkable case that serves as a model, and this time it is not a dream or fantasy, but a video seen by many. After the Hamas attack on Israel on October 7, 2023, which resulted in the deaths of over a thousand innocent civilians, an Israeli police officer and policewoman entered the home of a Palestinian woman in one of the Israeli cities, showed her her social media posts where she praised this barbaric attack, and very politely announced that she would now have to relocate from her evidently wealthy estate, as seen in the video, to the almost completely destroyed Gaza Strip, where there is no water, no electricity, and nothing at all. The Palestinian woman screamed hysterically, but it did absolutely no good.

This is roughly how the scheme should look – not expulsion, not deportation, but repatriation of the Ukrainian "Russian world" to their longed-for spiritual homeland of swamps. This will be a very humane and compassionate act, as it is pleasant to make people happy when their dreams come true, for in the swamps, they will no longer find the hated "cow language," nor streets named after Bandera, Petliura, and Hrushevsky, nor monuments to these figures. Instead, they will hear the sweet sounds of the Russian dialect and see the streets and monuments to Peter I, Lenin, Stalin, or perhaps even Putin.

And these repatriated individuals will not only be ethnic Russians; this act will not even have the slightest hint of ethnic cleansing, as there are still thousands, if not tens of thousands, or possibly even more anti-Ukrainian non-Russians in Ukraine: Medvedchuks, Boikivs, Shariis, Povalievs, Zakharchenkos, Rabinovychs, Buzhanskys, Dubinskys, Shufrychs, Diordivs, etc. Even now, when the Russians are inhumanely torturing Ukraine by destroying and killing everything that can be destroyed and killed, a bunch of collaborators quietly sits in the Verkhovna Rada, and their gang leader Boyko is unafraid to make anti-Ukrainian statements. Why? Because behind them is still "Great Russia" and "Great Putin." And when neither will exist anymore, it will be quite easy for the Ukrainian state to deal with the collaborators, especially since an almost million-strong army of defenders of Ukraine will be deployed where these collaborators are most numerous.

The question of how many people will be made happy by the humanitarian program "Valise-Dvirets-Bolota" is not a simple one, but it is entirely feasible for the Ukrainian state. After World War II, nearly 15 million Germans were deported from Eastern Europe to their "fatherland," and during this deportation, ethnic cleansing, persecution, torture, and the use of Germans as slaves, about half a million of them perished. Moreover, these were peaceful Germans who were not involved in Hitler's rise to power even in 1933, as they lived outside Germany; they were in no way connected to the crimes of their Nazi compatriots, and most of them were likely peaceful, good neighbors to the peoples among whom they lived, but they were still Germans. And this was the retribution of Europeans against these innocent Germans for the crimes of Nazi Germany. No one even thought to condemn these horrific actions of the avengers, and they still do not.

Of course, Ukraine is a humane state, unlike those bloodthirsty Europeans, and will not commit such horrors; no one will be killed, tortured, humiliated, or turned into slaves. Instead, peacefully, politely, and comfortably, 4-5 million blatant collaborators, whose anti-Ukrainian activities will be confirmed by investigations conducted by Ukrainian activists and judicial bodies, will be repatriated to their longed-for swamp "fatherland." Since this is a rather sensitive issue, the Verkhovna Rada will carefully consider a bill allowing citizens who find themselves in temporarily occupied territories or were even taken to Russia to either remain in Ukraine or return to Ukraine. This will, of course, include participants in the partisan movement or those whose relatives served in the Armed Forces of Ukraine, and possibly other categories defined by law. The same will apply to residents of non-occupied territories, mostly those large southeastern cities, as we understand, but relevant repatriation work will also be carried out in the central regions of Ukraine and in the west, as even in central Kyiv, young newly rich individuals stomp on the Ukrainian flag and shout, "I am Russian!".